The Pun Force

An origin myth for the pun, narrated by the punniest man alive. The building block of humor, weaponized.

Puns. The building block of humor.
A long long time ago, when the universe was still young (and morose), and humans lived in the Ice Age and were super "chill", there was a definite lack of mirth in their lives. 
And one day, while a few of the lads were "chilling" out together after having a dinner of mammoth proportions.....of well mammoth, one of the lads thought up of something. For
there was an idea, to bring together a group of ordinary words and see if they could become something more, something funnier.
This initiative, which has historically been dubbed The Pun-ishers Initiative, was undertaken by Cor Caveson, who came up with the first pun in the world and thus kinda changed the lives of mankind forever.
The first pun uttered has since then been lost to the annals of history, though legends state that it was probably something along the lines of, "Hey guys! If we roll a rock, and use it to play music, do we call it....Rock n Roll?"
in ancient Cavedarin
(He was probably stoned to death by his friends after that, but history had been written and the first pun was born.)

Who am I you ask? My name is Funny Allen, and I am the punniest man alive. How you may ask? Allow me to give you a teaser from my repertoire. 
Maybe I should tell you a joke about paper? Maybe not. Such jokes are so.... tearable. 
Or maybe I should tell you a joke involving pizza. But that would be so...cheesy.
Rolls on the ground hysterically
Ah, the cringe and helplessness, so visible on your visages. Fun isn't something one considers while punishing the Universe but this, does put a smile on my face. I sometimes think I should do a theatrical performance on puns. It'll be so very easy. Almost as if it were...a play on words.
More hysterical laughter

There you go. Now that I have proven my credentials, let's get onto business, shall we?
For you see, that puny pun, uttered millennia ago, set into motion a chain of events that shaped the world as we know it. It changed languages, created kingdoms, destroyed the bonds between people and much more. But most importantly, it created The Pun Force.
The Pun Force is powered by the very creativity that fuels all the pun makers in the world, as well as the sorrow and pain of all those who feel they are pun-ished by "said" puns. It's also the life and soul of humor and fun. Should the Pun Force ever fade away, then all jokes and sarcasm as we know it, would cease to exist. 

History has been created (or should I say written) because of puns. We might all still be chilling and getting stoned( by rocks) like our prehistoric ancestors if it weren't for that first pun that spurned Caveson's friends to outwit him in his game of words (and when that failed, to subject him to their version of "Rock n Roll" i.e. to drop a rock onto him and rolling said rock till he begged for mercy), we would never have evolved into the witty peeps we are today.

Now some of you might be of the mindset that I'm just sprouting a bunch of baloney and dismiss puns to be nothing but poor jokes and believe that it can't affect serious matter like world history and politics. That's where you're wrong bucko! Don’t believe me? Repeat this magic mantra after me and feel the true power of the Pun Force.

Eye- Yam- Stew- Peed. Repeat it faster and faster. Wait a minute, do you hear that?

“I Am Stupid”. Oof! I know you are, you non believing heathen.

(To be continued)